1.11.2013

From Father to Son

I was five when I heard those gunshots
echo across town
It was a hot night, July of ‘96
I was cuddled up with Mom
The bedroom window was open
She was singing me to sleep
It was such a peaceful song

I remember how she flinched
In an instant
I knew
She knew
That a part of both of our lives
was gone

* * * * * * *

Let me tell you a tale
About a guy who died too damn young
I’ve heard he could’ve been a standup comedian
Man, how I’ve lived with his demons…

The man I remember
is a memory I want to forget
That thunderous knock on the door
“Let me in! I just want to see my son!”
The welling tears in her eyes, my mom
Telling me to hide

He was only twenty-five
I don’t remember much
I meet him through their stories
Apparently, he was everyone’s friend
People gravitated toward him
Ironic
that he was the only one
Who brought himself down
Ironic
that he brought others up
But practically put himself in the ground

My dad met his end because of $200 worth of meth
I know the name of the man who shot him
I know they still haven’t caught him

* * * * * * *

I’ve met a lot of the people he was close with
It’s the same thing, every time
They gasp when I walk in the room
Sometimes even begin to cry
Sometimes I cry without even knowing why
It took me awhile to see
I have such a hard time missing him
Because he still walks with me
He still talks to me

My angel tells me to confront my demons
Tells me to be different
This time I'm listening

Always

Every day, I see thousands of faces on this chaotic campus
The only one I want to see every day is yours

I’m all for the pursuit of perfection
But please, don’t doubt your reflection
You’re already perfectly you
I want you to feel wanted
To be confident
But only to a certain extent
Build yourself up too tall & down you’ll fall
I’ll be here to pick up the pieces
Just as you’ve always done for me
Except for when you leave
I never get to see, get to know...
Where do you go?

You're my connection to this world
Without you, I wonder around like a lost soul

You’ve witnessed my best
Seen me fail to impress
When I lost my voice you barely gave me a choice
Practically demanded that I write more
Yet you want more than just words
So do I
You’ll find this is how I find myself
I think about you when my thoughts are true
& there’s no one else I’d rather write for

We’re on & off
Forced to be apart
You've pushed me away
Hell, I've done the same
Through it all, though, you’ve been there
You’ve been here from the start
I'm thankful for that, for you
I always write best with my heart