Hollow Masks

sacrificing self-acceptance
for petty public attention
consistently lying to yourself
                         by the guilt
weighed down
it's like borrowing character
from somebody else
those loans won't help
we always end up paying
for all the facades we build


A Walk With Fate

She sat, darkness dousing the sound of her own pounding guilt.
The devouring sound came from a wound within -- a wounded womb.
She swam from day to day by way of her tears.
In all of her 18 years alive, she had never felt so dead.
The hollowed hope in her head, though, kept her afloat.
Some symptoms still surfaced... what would be the odds?
The doctor came back with the test results.

"My God... "

* * * * * * *

There was a warm breeze at our backs as we trekked up the trail.
I'll never forget how the Tri-Cities looked underneath that summer sunset.
(Sure, the desert can sometimes be an ugly place
But the beauty is surely there if you look for it.)
The words came easy between me & my mom on that fateful hike.
Eventually she asked if I was happy where I was at,
& I told her that I thought I belonged.
Then she suddenly stopped walking, I stopped talking.
She looked me right in the eye & said,
"It's time you knew...
I had an abortion when I was pregnant with you.
& yet, there you were!
& here you are.
You are meant to be here.
So wherever you are, that's where you're supposed to be.
Trust me."

I would be pretending if I said that conversation didn't change me.
At first, honestly, I was angry.
Then it became clear to me, it all made sense.
Hearing about the abortion that should've eliminated my existence
somehow cleared my conscience.

I'm thankful just to be here
& to grow old with all my kindred souls on this world.
It's true what they say, you know:
blessings are often disguised as burdens.

I am meant to be here
& I refuse to live in fear.
It's my time to make the most of my time.
It's my time to be myself: someone no one has ever been.