She was my first kiss, I’ll never
forget
We were playing house out in the woods
with the other kids
She was “Mom,” I was “Dad”
It was the best acceptable excuse we
had
We were only seven,
but even then, there was an inevitable
attraction
Some of us are simply bound on a
collision course with one another
I moved away in the 4th
grade, but our friendship remained
Seems like the hardships only brought
us closer
I remember coming back for the funeral
We cried & cried & cried &
cried
I remember wiping the tears off her
face when her dad died
An accidental suicide
I remember hugging her & not
wanting to let go
I remember thinking things wouldn’t
quite be the same after that day
& they never were
Next thing we knew, we weren’t kids
anymore
High school graduation
That last true summer vacation
I moved back to Dayton
& we both started a harvest job
with the Grain Growers
If only we had known then what was in
store…
“I know this sounds crazy, but I think
we should start dating”
“Oh please, you’re like my sister”
“Don’t say that, you know we’re
supposed to be together”
& on it went
On & off & on, again &
again, consistent as sin
I should’ve never listened to her
The famously dangerous drug also known
as lust
Sure crept up on us
Me, especially
There’s obviously a certain trust that
comes with intimacy
What we conceal, then reveal
Tell someone how we really feel
Believe me, I know that
But apparently I was too blind to see
clearly that August night
I don’t know why I allowed myself to
be sucked in
The self-imposed pressure to impress
everybody
Only compressed me down into a nobody
Into somebody who only thought of
himself
Someone who disregarded the respect
she deserved
The respect that she neglected herself
of
I made it my life’s mission to make
hers brighter
& yet I eventually provided the
lighter
Only made the flames burn higher &
higher
The smallest spark can start a fire
Words, actions that can’t be taken
back
The ones that connect our past with
the present
& change the future
I should’ve never said that
I should’ve never done that behind
your back
But I did
& I’ve had to live with it ever
since
From the beginning, seemingly until
the end…
But then, just like that, &
forever was over
She was gone
I’ll never forgive myself for what I
did
I’ve held this in for far too long
I sure do miss my friend
